This is me. This are my Skinny Jeans.
Or should I say, ‘was’ about 1 month ago.
“Hello Skinny Jeans” I excited squeak, grabbing them fresh from the wardrobe and thrusting them upon the bed, ready to pluck the rest of my outfit together and chuck it on for the day.
“Oh…Hello…It’s you” Skinny Jean(s) reply in an almost avoidant tone.
I am confused somewhat as to Skinny Jean(s) retort and attitude towards me…That is, until I attempt to pull them up.
It seems that today being Day 16 of my smoking cessation, has affected my waist-line…And bum-line…And thigh-line, if there is such a thing. That as well as changing monthly ‘lady’ pills; which most women know can be a nightmare, especially if you get the wrong brand for you and your body.
Quick change of subject but I tried out ‘Yasmin’ once…Oh sweet baby Jesus, I was turned into a mean(er), paranoid, bitch version of myself. Nevertheless, it’s been an interesting month thus far, not a complete delight – coupled with work being busy, etc; but if you’re going to do something, you might as well jump in head first and do it with your all!
I make myself feel better temporarily by reminding myself that at least this gain in water retention and weight is temporary, better than filling my lungs with tar and nicotine, and at least doesn’t smell horrible!
As anyone who has given up smoking knows, it is extremely challenging and difficult, and each day brings with it new challenges to which I consciously must tell myself “No!”. This is the second time I have attempted to be a non-smoker. The first time ended after about 6 months. I thought the cravings would have more than completely died a death by 6 months, surely?! But nope, they didn’t – not for me at least, and not at that particular point in time.
I must say though, I do feel stronger this time. I consciously picked up my purse, left the office, got in the elevator, walked to the Pharmacy, and picked up a pack of 20mg Nicotinel patches (1 new one every 24 hours – which means I sleep with one on, and subsequently get the craziest dreams!), the medium strength ones in the set.
The first time I had given up, I went completely ‘cold turkey’, nothing for 6 months. But I came to the conclusion, that even thought I was determined and strong-willed…I still gave in to NOT giving up. And I want this tie to be different, I honestly do.
I researched quite a lot on smoking cessation, the reasoning behind giving up, pro’s and con’s…No pro’s of course in reality, read about other people who had given up, tried to find relation in some articles, watched YouTube videos on documentaries and adverts on why smokers should throw their ‘death sticks’ away and start afresh. But most of all, and most importantly, I feel – I knew in my heart and head that I was ready to stop…To just stop.
For someone, who unfortunately has smoked continuously for around 13 years (!?), on around 8-20 cigs a day, and actually really enjoys smoking, it is difficult, but risking my ‘waistline’ in the short-term (as I have been snacking on rubbish lately) for being a non-smoker long-term, is worth it.
I realise it’s not glamourous, it doesn’t make us who or indeed what we are. However I believe it has been somewhat of a crutch for me, socially and mentally.
Having smoked for all of my teenage years, the most awkward era of a person’s life, they had become a reliable ‘friend’, someone who I could relax with, feel at ease and comfortable with, someone who was always there and made me feel better when I was stressed out.
But in reality:
And most importantly…